What does your calendar look like nowadays? Is it full of unplanned time outside of work, that turns into doom scrolling? Or is every minute of your waking hours optimized to produce an outcome of some kind? Both of these extremes are getting in our way of optimal connection behavior.
When I coach people like you, on how to be better at networking, (which always requires a reframe of connection vs. the dictionary definition of exchanging professional and social contacts), I always start at a less obvious place. I start here:
How do you define a waste of time?
Most of my networking efforts, especially the ones that actually end up leading to a fruitful result, start where the average person would call a waste of time.
Most of my networking efforts look like a chai latte at a coffee shop, cross-legged in a booth across from someone whose company I enjoy, and—probably can’t do anything for me. Sounds like a waste of time, right?
This could not be further from the truth. This is why the very first pillar that I teach in my NetworKIT approach is Casual Connection.
What casual connection looks like in practice is: prioritizing unstructured time with others. The people who bring you joy, by their very presence— you should be making room for them in your calendar: annually, quarterly, monthly, on some cadence.
Right now, in 2026 we actually deprioritize unstructured time. The activities that usually make it to the top of the list are those things that are: certain, definitive, and structured.
This approach to time stops our creative juices from flowing—every outcome tied to a definitive path of thinking and actions. When we break away from this behavior through casual connection, we’re able to think more creatively, and generate more opportunities with those we spend time with.
Here are two ways I’ve done this over the past couple of days, and the unlikely outcomes it produced:
My family and I invited friends over for a kickback. No performative dinner served at a particular time. We will eat at some point, and your contribution can range from a bag of tortilla chips, to a bottle of tequila. This was one of the most freeing gatherings I’ve ever hosted. Outcome: I was able to connect two women on the topic of mocktails, and alternative adult beverages. Both of them had experienced isolation in this new life they had designed for themselves. One of them even came in whispering that they had stopped drinking. How excited I was to tell her that she was in good company. For almost an hour, they exchanged the new things they had tried, and vowed to put each other on, as they would continue to discover more options.
One of my closest friends stopped by today to pick up her Girl Scout cookie order (I guess that’s technically an outcome…but bear with me). Even though I was working on an intense project, I didn’t rush her out, and she hung out for a couple of hours. She grabbed some leftovers from the fridge for lunch, as we navigated several different paths of conversation. One of our conversation tracks led me to tell her about a new person I was fascinated by. My friend then shared that she had an open spot for her podcast filming tomorrow morning at 10 AM. Literally less than 24 hours. I made a quick text to the person I was telling her about, and they are available for her podcast! Both of them are extremely excited about the opportunity.
Those are two stories of a million I could tell.
Here’s my challenge to you…
If you are overscheduled, and turning down invitations because you’re over-prioritizing work, and the things that seem like they should be way more important, OR
If you are underscheduled, and turning down every single invitation, because you’re stuck in pandemic behavior…
Say yes to hanging out with your friends (old and new), just because!
I promise you that enjoying the pleasure of their company is enough of a reason. And here’s your benchmark: at least once a week, say yes, or invite someone. It could be a cup of coffee, lunch, a walk, cocktails. Just be together, with no agenda.
You all will be better for it. And it’s only a matter of time, before it starts producing the type of results you were leaning on all of those “certain” activities for.
Carline Hooker is a Connection Coach, and Founder of NetworKIT. After finding consistent success in corporate sales, she developed those strategies into practical tools that support genuine professional connection in what some call “networking”, and business development/sales. By leading these efforts with organic connection, versus transactions, through her coaching, Carline encourages others to show up in more casual and authentic ways.
Follow her on Instagram at @networkitcoach